It's always 20:20, isn't it? Although I confess, I haven't yet had the laser surgery that might afford me that vision, not where our congregation is concerned.
Let me state first that this is not a pity party. My colleagues affirm that I have done well. My parishoners are grateful for the preaching and care they've received.
But . . .
Every day I look around and ask: What did I miss?
Is there money hiding under a cushion somewhere?
Should I have walked through the building more often and looked at all that it contains in a material way (see previous post) and found a way to re-purpose it?
Should I have been out in the city more often talking with people and inviting them over?
Should I have shoved the congregation out the door to do the same?
Should I have stopped trying to address the endless series of financial problems and focused entirely on the congregation and neighborhood, building be damned?
Should I have insisted that we spend a month of Sundays worshipping in homes and cooking food together to give away so that people could have experienced an alternative form of being church?
Should I have spent more time teaching the various committee members how to do their work so that it didn't all fall on a few resolute leaders?
Should I have submitted that huge grant proposal to the Presbytery?
Should I have written an article each month for the local paper?
Should I have found a way for me to worship more, pray more, seek God more, and hear more?
I just don't know.