As pleased as I am to be graduating from seminary in 39 days -- although no one commented on my countdown remark yesterday, to the effect that I had been asked whether I was thinking desert or flood -- I can't seem to decide whether I want to go to the event itself.
For a long time I thought that I wouldn't. No drama around the decision, just: celebrations are difficult. (That's, um, a bit of an understatement.)
Then I thought that I would.
Now I think: Nope. Reasons mostly unbloggable.
Those of you who have skipped your own graduations of any kind at all: thoughts?
For a long time I thought that I wouldn't. No drama around the decision, just: celebrations are difficult. (That's, um, a bit of an understatement.)
Then I thought that I would.
Now I think: Nope. Reasons mostly unbloggable.
Those of you who have skipped your own graduations of any kind at all: thoughts?
My ex husband told me 22 days before my seminary graduation that he was in love with someone else. It was a pretty bad time for me-- as bad as I've experienced, honestly. But it never once entered my mind to skip the graduation. So... I'm not the demographic you are looking for here. But my advice to you would be to do what will be life-giving to you under the circumstances, and don't let anyone talk you in to or out of what you know you must do.
ReplyDeleteThat's (life-giving) a good standard, Mags -- thanks.
ReplyDeleteThe only person who came to my graduation from seminary (to see me graduate) was a woman from the home for developmentally disabled people. I had invited her to our class party or whatever. It was sad and sweet, too. I had forgotten. I walked at seminary and law school. (You went to Case, right? They did the Dixie Land band thing didn't they?) So, I'm not the right person.
ReplyDeleteAs you well know, there are no right answers. For me it was the last chance to be with a group of people I had grown to love in a place I love.
I think this might be a Year 2 thing. You know they say the second and third years are the worst. I don't know whether that's true, but so far: definitely more of a sense of isolation and disconnection, even though I am far more outwardly involved in life.
ReplyDeleteI skipped my bachelor's degree graduation. I needed an extra quarter (we weren't on semesters back then) to finish my degree. Most of my friends had already gone through the line, and I was much more focused on doing something with the future than commemorating what was the past, even if it was the recent past. I've never regretted it. Graduations are supposed to be celebrations, and if you're not in that spirit, they're just another big, oppressive crowd.
ReplyDeleteI skipped my MA graduation because I didn't want anyone to feel obligated to come 2000 miles for it when I was moving back across the country and getting married that summer. I also knew the Ph.D. graduation was still to come (and one hopes is still to come eventually). I regret it a little bit, but still think it was the right decision. None of my really close friends were walking either. If they had been, it might have been different.
ReplyDeleteI skipped my graduation from college. Actually, I lay the blame for that on the college. I went to Cornell in upstate NY but lived in Texas. Cornell closed the dorms and student housing in those days for 2 weeks between the end of finals and graduation. I had to pack up and go home and couldn't afford to go back just for graduation. They mailed me my diploma.
ReplyDeleteIt didn't bother me that much at the time because of the 60's era Ivy League campus chaos made me happy to scamper back to Texas. But I did go to my law school graduation at UT and was so happy to have my family there as well.
Fast forward to my daughters' graduations from college, law school and grad school which we all attended: I felt so blessed to be able to be there and share that big milestone with them.
Now if I were in your place today graduating from seminary I really don't know if I would regret not going. You really invested yourself in this program and deserve to celebrate it. But that doesn't mean you have to celebrate it at the official seminary graduation ceremony! You may find better and more meaningful ways to mark the occasion.
These kinds of public milestones are interesting, aren't they? They are for "us" but also for "them" and are both institutional and personal.
ReplyDeleteI went to Law School but didn't graduate, and went to Grad School but didn't graduate there either. I made the decisions I needed to make for my life and am happy with both - but I still have people in my life who pick at, comment on, and impute regret to me. I imagine you'll have them in your life too - whatever you choose to do.
I have loved going to my daughters' graduations - but mostly because they were so excited about the prospect and the party and the whole ritual.
So, my take is: it is up to the graduate to decide the direction and degree of participation in the ceremonial piece.
I feel sure you will know exactly what to do for you ... at some point.
Hugs, and congratulations!!
Thanks, all; this is very helpful.
ReplyDeleteI loved going to my daughter's college graduation a year ago, but doing things for her has many plusses that other efforts do not share.
Veterinary degree: close enough family could make it.
ReplyDeleteSeminary degree: All grandparents and parents no longer living. 1600 miles away. Two siblings and best friend flew out to help me celebrate.
The celebration was small and intimate...just those who really understood the "cost" of walking across the stage to receive my mdiv...it was what I needed at that particular time.
I have a student that would rather do anything else in the world, but go to graduation this June, but sometimes we do things because others are proud and want to celebrate. Some times we celebrate because we are awed by what we have managed to do.
ReplyDeleteso I ask, Why not celebrate? It is one amazing accomplishment. Some how, some way... celebrate.
I've been moving, and not reading blogs ... so just catching up ... and agree that you need to do what is most life-giving for you. You are an amazing woman ... congrats on completing seminary, and blessings on whatever celebration you choose.
ReplyDeleteI skipped my BA and MSW graduation ceremonies (though I sat in the audience for the latter. Explain that??!) and attended my PhD ceremony. I have never regretted any of those decisions. The first two were really big and loud and just not my thing (but then I skipped my high school proms too, so perhaps I am not the best judge of these things). However, my PhD ceremony, which was much more intimate, was very nice. Obviously these decsions are very personal, but I am certain you can find other ways to mark this important passage if you don't feel up to a big ceremony.
ReplyDeleteMaybe an Ignatian discernment? My spiritual director suggested sitting with what it would be like to make decision to do (whatever). The next day, sit with what it would be like to make decision not to do (whatever).
ReplyDeleteI didn't go to my PhD graduation - time, cost, reasons bloggable (had there been blogs in those days) and unbloggable, people (many of those important to me couldn't be there either). Long term? No regrets, except that I wished I done something to mark the transition from one episode to the next. Not quite sure what it might have been, but markings matter to me.
ReplyDeleteYear two was a brother's wedding, year three was the next brother - both in a far off place. I went each time, but it was a hard discernment.
There is much to celebrate, Robin. But it must sit right with you. I like the idea of discernment with each scenario. Sadly, some of that will be colored by the mood of the day or moment. How far in advance do you for sure have to tell them you'll be there? You could always say you'll be there and "play it by ear". How do the QH, LD, and GS feel about it? (NOT that you should do what they want to please them but...)
ReplyDeleteSkipped my M.S. graduation with no regrets. Spent part of the day reading (something I wanted to read, not something I had to) and had a lovely dinner with my family. Walked my B.A. graduation gladly, but more for my proud parents than for myself. What will make you happy? or at least contented with the day? Do that.
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