This is what comes of a snow day ~ I've been reading all kinds of things (and yes, cleaning and vacuuming and organizing photos, and I've even been to the grocery so we can have a nice dinner tonight).
I'm not sure that I should even write this. I hope no one will be put off or feel guilty or anything. It's just a reflection on life 25.5 Months After.
I've been aware for several days that a number of my blogging buddies are engaged in the ReVerb10 Intitiative, which describes itself as follows:
"Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. Use the end of your year as an opportunity to reflect on what's happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead. With Reverb 10 - and the 31 prompts our authors have created for you - you'll have support on your journey."
Here are the prompts so far. (I was going to paste them into this post, but they're not in a format in which I can do that easily.) They're mostly very interesting, and the responses are, too, but . . .
Wow. I just do not think in ways that would fit within these parameters any more. I wonder whether someday I will again. I am so struck by how powerfully these prompts do not fit my life that it's almost scary.
Most of my days seem pretty normal now. The grief is usually "under control," whatever that means. I am increasingly productive and aware of my surroundings and of other people, all of which represents huge steps forward.
But it also inhabits every bone, every muscle and tendon, every cell in my body. It has moved in and made a nest and settled into every nook and cranny.
When a friend of mine who also lost a 24-year-old son to suicide, eight years ago on Christmas Day, said that it changes you at a cellular level, she was completely right on.
I have been on a spiritual journey that three years ago I could never have fathomed. I have plowed back into my life in ways that, looking back, seem impossible. I live with a daily awareness of horror and sorrow that has altered my perspective on everything.
And those prompts just don't make any sense at all to me.