Most days are terribly difficult. Some more so than others.
Such an ordinary Thursday. Picked up the photograph I'd had printed especially for this particular couple, bought a frame and some wrapping paper, wrapped the gift, wrote the card, drove to the groom's house, wished him well, and left with a face full of smiles.
He was Josh's best friend from kindergarten through 8th grade. He's an ornithologist; I taught him to bird, on a trip our families made out west together when the boys were twelve. He's finishing his Ph.D. at the University of Chicago, where Josh was an undergraduate. He and his fiancee' live in Hyde Park, blocks from where Josh and his girlfriend lived. They're getting married Sunday in the Cuyahoga Valley National Park, where we spent hours with our kids.
Really, it feels as if it just happened last night. My skin feels the same, as if it were being pierced by a thousand knives.
I am going to spend Saturday at the Presbyterian Church's bi-annual General Assembly. I'm going to spend Sunday with my congregation.
There are not enough distractions on this planet.
The pain is palpable. How can it be this way? Missing our children's lived out lives, watching others do what we can't even dream for our own. It is heartbreaking. Avoidance and distraction are great gifts to us at these times. And blessedly, people seem to truly understand. Keeping you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteNo, there are not. I have always loved the Quaker image of holding people in the Light (even in times of great dark)...it is being done as you read this.
ReplyDeleteRobin, your post has touched me deeply. I have no words except to say that you are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI echo what everyone said here, praying for relief for your hurting heart. Those moments - and days - are painful. I wonder what those who don't know and love God do to get through them.
ReplyDelete((((Robin))))
ReplyDeleteOh Robin...I am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you today and this weekend. Take care Robin.
ReplyDeleteThanks, you guys. I'm fine. I stopped by the home of my friend whose husband died a few months before Josh did and burst into tears in her front yard. Perhaps all your prayers sent me to the one person outside of my family who shares my time frame. As she said when she called this morning, "We'll just keep praying for one another and we'll keep going."
ReplyDeletePrayers continue for you and for your friend. And thank you for sharing with us.
ReplyDeleteI SOOOOO understand.
ReplyDeletexo