Thursday, May 3, 2012

Ministry: The Unexpected (Part II)

"I don't understand this at all," I said to one of my own pastors as I began to plan my future.  "I grew up in a place like this, but I haven't been back for more than a few days at a time in forty years.  I've lived in cities since I was a junior in college."

"Inclusio!" she chirped.

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I love my little church, but my presence there remains a compete surprise to me.  It's located in a town so small that a figure-8 walk of a mile covers almost all of its geography.  My first funeral, a couple of weeks ago, was a graveside service in the town cemetery, and the cows belonging to the deceased's family stood guard in the adjacent field.   Many of my congregants farm; the pace of life is slow and people are genuinely and consistently attentive to the needs of their friends and neighbors.  Most of them are in their sixties and older, and two younger women were widowed in the past few years, which is to say that as a congregation they have a deep acquaintance with the vicissitudes of life.  When I came to them with breast cancer surgery looming, they willingly accepted all my plans to manage my almost immediate absence, and opened the church for a day of prayer while I was in the hospital.

"Did you think about not coming?" one of the women asked me some weeks ago.

"Of course I did," I responded.  "I wondered if I were being completely irresponsible in accepting this call."

"We're so glad you did," she breathed in relief.

I do believe I know other churches in which the response would have been quite the opposite.

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My folks love their God, and their church community, and  they long for the days when the pristine little building was packed every Sunday morning and children's voices filled the air ~ but they are by no means wedded to the past.  Taize' music, Lenten compline and healing services, an Easter vigil complete with an outdoor fire ~ we've  added those to our lives of worship without pain or trauma.  It's been an intriguing challenge for me to introduce a few new things.  I've come from a world in which people are excited and enthusiastic about experimenting with worship and music, but I've entered a world in which many fear the introduction of the "new" as criticism of who they are and what they cherish.  I think that as we've worked together these past months, they've learned that I can be trusted to honor who they are and that I try to tread gently where change might be warranted.  Increasingly, the response to my suggestions is one of good-natured willingness to "give it a try."  In fact, the Lenten play was entirely their idea, and it was the pastor who had a great deal learn!  I am most definitely not ready for Broadway, as either playwright or director.

(Of course, my optimism about change might be premature.  We're making a couple of alterations in worship this Sunday that might doom my ministry entirely.)  (The key word there is "we." The worship committee raised concerns first and is in full support of the effort.  A lesson in patience.  And another from Montessori days:  The less you impose, the more likely it is that transformative growth will emerge.)

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Pastoral care is of big time importance here. And it's not a matter of the congregation wanting the pastor to do it all; often as not, when I show up at the hospital or nursing home, someone else is already there.  It's a matter of their wanting the pastor to make their most personal needs a priority.  And it's harder than I thought because  . . . I forget things.  Sometimes I forget big things.  I've accepted that some of my grief-related cognitive deficits are permanent, but that's not something I can parade as an excuse.  I'm working constantly on tools to compensate for the reality that, sad as it is, you can tell me a story that grabs my attention and stirs my compassion and the next day ~ gone.  I'm beginning to think that the mind and heart can absorb only so much sadness, and I have been on overload for far too long.

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The most fun thing?  Maybe it's how much I am growing in  my ability to lead worship and to preach. I am so much more relaxed in leadership as I've come to know the congregation and found worship to be an event of relationship more than it is anything else.   My sermons and delivery have changed as I've come to know the lives and needs and communication style of my congregation.  That movement became dramatically apparent to me this week as I prepared to make use of  a sustainable sermon, one preached three years ago in seminary.  I have a long way to go before I find the meeting place in which my own approach to exploring Scripture and the context in which I'm offering those explorations merge into something beautiful, but the challenge is a satisfying one.   I'm finding that people often compliment sermons or portions thereof with which I am the least satisfied, which is just a little unnerving ~ but gives me plenty upon which to reflect.

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The most troubling issue for me: How to address the matter of gay ordination. There are certainly other theological matters of import, but that one does seem to be the litmus test.  I knew when I arrived that I was not coming into a call in which the majority of people share my views, but I have yet to figure out how to deal with that in a pastoral way.  (And I'm nowhere close to a prophetic way!) Years ago, spiritual director emeritus said, "I want to tread carefully and not say anything that makes it difficult for people to pray."  A good standard, I think.  Except:  Which people?  I was deeply saddened when it dawned on me that I have dear friends whose presence as guests in my pulpit would create divisions in my congregation.  On the other hand, I was stunned when someone of whom I never would have expected it expressed anger and frustration that parallels mine.  And on the third hand, I've been pleasantly surprised to discover that people who are clear about their disagreement with me on that and other theological issues are also able to respect my leadership and offer themselves as partners and loving friends in ministry.  

It seems that I have been invited to learn how to be in community with folks who are on every page in the book.

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I have a third post in the mix, but an extremely busy few days ahead.  I guess I'll get to it when I get to it.

7 comments:

  1. Robin, you are an amazing gift to that church (and to so many of us with your writing and sharing).

    And that tiny church in that tiny community is an amazing gift...and could teach other churches so.very.much.

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  2. Some advice from one who differs with you on this issue, which I hope will be helpful.

    From what you have written about this church it appears that this is a congregation that is exemplary in its faith, worship and pastoral care. I suspect that there is no one in the congregation who doesn't know and love a family member or friend who is gay. From your description of the congregation, I would expect them to welcome them into the life of the church in the same way that they welcome others even while not affirming their lifestyle.

    It is also a union congregation with the Methodist Church. The Methodist Church is not likely to make any changes in its understanding of the scriptural teachings about human sexuality because of its large membership outside of the US. I believe our book of order provides that in union churches where the polity differs on issues, such as ordination standards, it is the more restrictive polity that controls that church. So, really, is this a problem for tiny church that needs to be explicitly addressed at this time? In my presbytery the first two churches seeking dismissal are tiny rural churches like this. It's much easier for a small group of like-minded folks to decide to leave than a larger congregation which will inevitably include more diverse opinions.

    It sounds as though you are building a firm foundation of trust in your relationship with this congregation. In the long run that will be your best witness. When the congregation learns that you differ from them on this issue--and probably on some others as well--your point of view will be taken seriously because it comes from YOU, their beloved Rev. Robin.

    Blessings on your continued ministry with this lovely tiny church!

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  3. QG, that is SO helpful. Especially the polity info -- I see that I have some research to do. (Funny thing: union church questions have not appeared on the polity exam recently-- maybe ever! But of course that would be the kind of church to which I would be called -- the only real question is, where are the Catholic and Jewish components?) The ordination question is not an issue that needs to be addressed directly at this moment, but it's an issue that comes up -- not because of any immediate question, but because people do see it, as I said, as a litmus test. And, as we both know, the question ultimately goes back to how we read and interpret Scripture.

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  4. I'm very happy it was helpful. Those of us who have been hanging out with the Fellowship of Presbyterians have learned more than we ever wanted to know about union churches/presbyteries and other wonky PresbyPolity stuff.

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  5. On the gay ordination: What a blessing that your congregation is so supportive! I am trying to figure out how to stay in a church where I differ and I am just a member! Your pastoral experience gives me hope. I was yelled at and finger pointed at in Sunday school on Sunday about the issue and it left me in tears…it was just one person, but I wonder if it is worth the struggle to stay put when I am so clearly and somewhat vocally in the minority, which has been amplified by our recent vote to leave PCUSA - only 80 of us said no.

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  6. I want to amend what I said above. The ordination question is not an issue in my church at the moment in the narrow sense that we have, as far as I know, no gay members or potential members, and therefore no questions of ordination as elders or deacons at the moment.

    It is to me ALWAYS a question of Biblical hospitality, justice, and honoring God's call in the lives of whoever it is that God calls. As I did say to a church member a couple of weeks ago, I do not see hospitality in a situation in which you tell someone that she is welcome in the pew but that you will not accept her leadership because of her sexual orientation. The justice question is not simply a matter of justice for those gifted for leadership, but is a matter of justice for all of us, who deprive ourselves of the voices and other gifts of our sisters and brothers. (As an all-too-obvious example, I am reminded of the Advent sermons I have heard in which the preacher has used some aspect of her experience of pregnancy as an illustration -- I've never heard such a sermon in a Catholic church.) And as far as call is concerned: I read the Bible as, among other things, illustrative of an ever-expanding notion of call, from two people in a garden to the entire global population.

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  7. A few weeks into my first call as a solo priest was 9-11. A year later the Episcopal Church affirmed the election of Gene Robinson, an open, partnered, divorced, gay bishop. I was serving a small suburban very conservative parish. Oh, that I could have just addressed the building of parish relationships, caring for them, and preaching ordinary sermons about every day life. But I could not. The congregation was embattled between those who thought we should leave the Episcopal Church and align with the quickly forming small group of conservative churches and those who had been silenced too long and no longer wanted to be a voice of judgment. It was a challenging time. I tried to be a voice of reason, a middle way, embracing all perspectives, as is enabled by Episcopal polity and practice. It is a challenging road to travel when the preacher, the prophetic voice, cannot fully preach what one understands as the Gospel. On the other hand, I orten did preach the Gospel as I understood it, I just didn't make a literal connection between what I was saying (love God, love self, love others, show radical hospitality with the expectation of tending angels unaware)...and the issue of openng gay, partnered bishops. Hopefully you are able to maintain a position of loving these people and caring for them in the context in which they live. If they need to talk about the church, the Bible, and homosexuality, then do it outside of worship - in learning opportunities. There are some fine books on the matter such as "Our Selves, Our Souls and Bodies" edited by WIlliam Countryman.

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