The phone calls . . . and FB messages . . . and emails . . .
So many losses. So many young people.
If you had told me about this four years ago, I would not have believed you.
It's relentless.
If you had told me that parents, fathers and mothers both, would not find the well-being of their young children a sufficient reason to live, I would not have believed you.
It honors no barriers.
If you had told me that young adults, honors students in high school and college, Ph.D. candidates, law students, medical students would not find any form of consolation in the rich futures lying in wait for them, I would not have believed you.
I do what I can, which is almost nothing.
Fifty people. That's what I've read: fifty people are deeply affected by every suicidal death. Fifty people whose lives are altered, and not for the better. Of each of those fifty, there must be at least four or five whose lives are completely transformed. Who live with an outlook entirely different from the one we used to rely upon.
I had not thought death had undone so many. (Dante's Inferno and T.S Eliot's The Waste Land)
I was in grad school when Josh died. I remember talking about it to a few of my fellow students with whom I was close. All of these wonderful young people in their early 20s had been directly affected by the suicide of another young person with whom they were close. I was floored by the fact that everyone at the table had a story.
ReplyDelete50 people is a mind boggling number. Lots to think about in this post.
That is astounding - 50 people. There are no words.
ReplyDelete50 people; four generations. That's what they say. A terrible legacy to leave.
ReplyDeleteHi Robin, thanks again for your comment on my picture on the Ignatian website Picturing God page. This is how my brother in law passed as well. He was 45. It wasn't his first attempt that he succeeded. I had spoke with him last year after a failed attempt and made him promise to please come to me if he ever felt that way again. He assured me he was good. He assured me he felt God's presence in his life and He was keeping him on the right path. Anyways....
ReplyDeleteWhen you shared that short sentence of your memory of you and your son at that same waterfall taking pictures it touched me and I thank you for that. God Bless.
Oh, Justin, I am so very, very sorry. What a terrible journey you have all embarked upon. We are close -- I live on the east side of Cleveland and work near Ashland -- if you or you sister-in-law or anyone in your family ever want to get together, please email me. I would not have made it had it not been for people gifted for listening thanks to Ignatian spirituality.
DeleteSometimes, if you are suicidal, the pressure of those around you who will for you to live is one step to far and in a instant you make a decision that affects 50 people across four generations.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right, Gaye. And sometimes people who die by suicide are themselves already so far away that even the next room is physically too far. If only we could learn how to draw them back to us before that happens.
DeleteAnd the echoes of death by suicide will reverberate for many generations to come. My father's mother, my grandmother I suppose, killed herself when she was in her late 40's (my age now!) and he was in his late teens. I obviously never met her, but her death has haunted my family for as long as I can remember.
ReplyDeleteCassandra, I am so sorry. I wrote about this once before, noting that my great-grandparents, of whom I barely remember only two, have had great influences on my life, and do as well on my children's, so this makes complete sense.
Delete