I find that after three years of writing about suicide and grief, loss and disappointment, and physical spiritual emotional and mental pain, I have not the slightest interest in writing about cancer. I think that I have covered enough of the territory in the prior context.
Oh, except for insurance. Because the PC(USA) REQUIRES pastors to accept its insurance, if I go to work, I will have a new primary insurance which will complicate my life immeasurably, and probably cost us money as well as time. (Time: The Cleveland Clinic LOST a $500 payment a couple of months ago. When they found it, they wanted to send the $40 that it turned out we still owed on the account to collection. Imagine what would happen if we had two insurance carriers. No, don't imagine it. Imagining it will probably give you cancer. Money: The PC(USA) co-pay is 10% higher than ours - a lot of money if you are looking at costs in the many tens of thousands of dollars.)
In other words, despite the good intentions of the powers-that-be in insisting that pastors be provided with health insurance, it is probably better in this particular case for the pastor to postpone her call because the insurance is a detriment. A rather impressive example of one-size-does-not-fit-all.
But who cares, really? We are lucky to have insurance of any kind.
So. I am going to have one surgery and then probably another one. A big one. Perhaps I will still have a call when all is said and done. Perhaps not.
End of story.
The fall bird migration has begun. A much better topic.
I have no interest whatever in cancer.
It baffles me that no one anywhere in church administrative hierarchy can waive this requirement for you.. Prayers as you contemplate the changes the seasons bring! Bird migrations are a beautiful awesome sight!
ReplyDeleteHolding you close as you navigate this maze of so many emotions and practicalities.
ReplyDeleteI often wonder what the health care system would be like if there was no insurance industry which increases a patient's costs in $ and time by interposing a third party between the patient and her health care providers. We'll never know and maybe it wouldn't be an improvement.
ReplyDeleteUgh.
Praying for a swift and complete resolution of all things for you!
Well, I will say this, the BoP's medicare supplement is just about the best out there. And it's cheap.
ReplyDeleteAhh, you are about to become another nonsurvivor survivor.
Oh, I am so very sorry to hear this. Prayers...
ReplyDeleteMakes me sad for USA healthcare and grateful for what exists free to all in UK ....But wishing you clarity of thinking and a poem for company
ReplyDeleteMAMEEN
Be infinitesimal under that sky, a creature even the sailing hawk
misses, a wraith among the rocks where the mist parts slowly.
Recall the way mere mortals are overwhelmed by circumstance, how
great reputations dissolve with infirmity and how you, in
particular, live a hairsbreadth from losing everyone you hold dear.
Then, look back down the path as if seeing your past and then south
over the hazy blue coast as if present to a wide future, recall the
way you are all possibilities you can see and how you live best as
an appreciator of horizons whether you reach them or not, admit that
once you have got up from your chair and opened the door, once you
>>> have walked out into the clean air toward that edge and taken the
path up high beyond the ordinary you have become the privileged and
the pilgrim the one who will tell the story and the one, coming back
from the mountain, who helped to make it.
- David Whyte
with love Jane
It seems very strange that you could not say to the PC(USA), "No thanks, I have insurance through my spouse's job." You would think they would welcome this.
ReplyDeleteStill, perhaps it is best to postpone the call until you are on a better footing with your health issues, so that your attentions to a new congregation might be less divided.
But this still sucks... Keeping you in my thoughts, my friend.
I don't have any words. I don't know what I can possibly say...it's all overwhelming and this insurance business (on top of it all) makes no sense.
ReplyDeleteJust want you to know I was here and that I'm thinking of you
The best of intentions to provide all with healthcare, yet an inflexible policy, imposing unhelpful complications in an already complex situation. Did I get that right?
ReplyDelete*sigh*
I'm so grateful that a) God is present in all things and situations, b) He/She has a sense of humor, c) you have insurance through the Quiet Husband's work and d) you have a degree in the law, on top of your pastoral qualifications. You may be able to make better sense of all of the goofy paperwork & regulations because of your brilliance and training.
But I'm sorry that this is happening! UGH. Wondering how I help from here...if I lived closer, I'd be cooking for you.
oh shit... on so many levels
ReplyDeleteGreat poem, Jane. If only the title didn't look so much like mammogram, mammography, mammo everything!
ReplyDeleteWhat Mary said (Oh Shit ... on so many levels!)
ReplyDeleteI can't say that I understand the technical aspects of the medical insurance system in the USA but its bizarre that this would in the end, prevent you from accepting the call. (In Australia we have a system like the UK - public health insurance which is paid as a small per centage of your annual income.) Lots of love over the next month as you go through the whole surgery and recovery process.
ReplyDeleteprayers mt friend
ReplyDeletei was hoping that when i returned here this morning, after a good nights sleep and with a strong hit of caffeine in my system in preparation to face the day, i would have something more eloquent for you.
ReplyDeletei don't.
the suicide aftermath ongoing I'm-getting-out-of-bed-and facing-life-and-surviving-while-living-purposefully + onslaught of cancer with all its emotional trappings (about which I could go on forever - actually, i guess i have) + the atrocity of insurance issues = a combo platter that leaves me tearful, outraged, incredibly sad, questioning... and wanting to sit with you someplace outside where the sun is shining and the leaves are beginning to turn, and just hold your hand
shit again
ps - jane's poem is extraordinary, when you get beyond the title's proximity to your circumstances
I'm sorry about title I did try to go back and delete:( Have been there and got the t-shirt and feel that I became a member of a club I didn't want to join! The last 4 lines resonate on many many levels.
ReplyDeleteI've tried to find words to convey the sadness, exasperation and just sort-of slack-jawed disbelief I feel thinking about what is now filling your days. The best I can do is say that I am with you in prayer. I am 15 minutes away from the Fort Lauderdale beaches and if along the way, you need a place to come and watch this particular version of the ocean, "mi casa es su casa". Peace, strength and hope be with you.
ReplyDeleteso so sorry. yuck.
ReplyDeleteGod is present with arms of love that have no conditions nor agenda but to wrap you up in the warmth of Love/ \ it is the tent of God's love the assurance of abundance of love in all, through all for all.
ReplyDelete