Despite having had a major experience of God's consolation over the past several days, my everyday life is one of deep discouragement. It's filled with frustrations: the lack of employment means that much around the house that we had to neglect during my seminary years remains undone; the profusion of rain and cold means that the yard looks as if no one has lived here in a decade; my double vision means that almost everything I attempt takes twice as long as it should and that I have to depend entirely on others for transportation.
The hardest thing is the empty hole where the call process should be. RevGals today optimistically and joyfully addresses the process for those just graduating from seminary. It's been a year since I graduated, six months since I was certified ready to receive a call, and . . . nada. I remember how incredibly excited I was about the future on both of those occasions, but now I find myself baffled and bewildered. I'm not alone; my best friend from seminary, a remarkably gifted and accomplished woman, remains call-less, and I keep hearing stories of folks two and three years out, still hoping. There is one church possibility at the moment for which I am both optimistic and enthusiastic, but possibility remains the key word there.
It's not as if I have nothing to do. In fact, I have begun to receive enough invitations for spiritual direction, retreat work, teaching, and community work that I am even more uncertain: How is it that my own church can't come up with work for me, when other people and organizations and institutions seem interested in my contributions? and: Am I being called into something else entirely?
Among the many non-pastor items on my plate are a couple of writing projects which may turn into something. And so I'm going to step back from blogging for awhile and head down that path with as much focus and discipline as I can muster. I'll still be reading, and I have book reviews to post, but I'm going to start limiting my online time , dramatically, effective . . . NOW.
Image: Path through Atsena Otie, a tiny island off Cedar Key, Florida
Dear you. I hear the pain and bewilderment here, and it hurts. The other opportunities...we do know God can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine, usually in very wacky ways. So I will miss reading you but will be holding you in prayer and hope that your path, however wacky, may become clear.
ReplyDeleteDear Robin, {{Blessings}}....
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing so much of your life. Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteOh, Robin, I'm so sorry....Though glad your gifts and training are being recognized some places. And I completely forgot about the vision issue when I brainstormed the you drive to Dayton and we drive to Dallas possibility on FB--hope that didn't just add to the frustration. Prayers, including at today's chapel mass.
ReplyDeleteI really do understand and join the prayers for you--for lifting of the depression, for a return to normal vision, for opportunity to exercise your call in meaningful ways and for discernment about the path ahead.
ReplyDeleteThe continuing decline in membership in the PCUSA coupled with the troubled economy in many areas of the country results in far fewer calls than pastors qualified and looking for them. More churches are looking for part-time pastors or CLP's because they can't afford to pay a full time person. It's particularly difficult when you can't consider churches outside your area.
I hate to see your gifts not being used by some lucky congregation.
God's blessings upon you as you give yourself to what is in front of you. Sending love from here!
ReplyDeletePraying for you - for healing and heaps of grace.
ReplyDeleteMay you be richly blessed in this time away.
I will miss you and look forward to a someday return.
That sounds like a wise way to continue discernment, but I'll miss you.
ReplyDeleteRobin,
ReplyDeleteWherever this road leads you I know that you will be doing "good work". I know it sounds a cliche but that quote that says I will be taken by the belt and lead in a direction I do not want to go is uppermost in my mind. Keep the faith and spread it gently. I shall miss you but you say you will not stop blogging altogether so please keep us updated !!
Blessings and prayers.
My personal feeling is in that your answer lies with your second question. But you will need to work that out for yourself.
ReplyDeleteBlessings on the process of discernment and writing, wherever they may lead!
ReplyDeleteI will miss your blog so much, but it sounds like a new path is being laid out for your life with all the difficulties that entails. You stay in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteif taking a break feels right, I strongly encourage you to do it. Don't have to imagine a long job search, my last one featured 35+ interviews before one landed me with a job.
ReplyDeletepeace and hope and faithfulness
I hear the weariness and discouragement. Praying that this blog break and season of prayer will clear the clouds away so the sun can shine through. You have so much to give. I pray that the work you want to do and the work available will coincide nicely, and that you will soon feel the strength of clear direction. love and blessings, beautiful lady.
ReplyDeleteI resonated with your comment that God may be already calling you into a ministry you didn't expect. Accepting the love and light right in front of you may be the key.
ReplyDeleteThank you all a much for the comments. I'm off for an overnight with women friends and will carry them with me. Wayne - 35! OK, I will be braver. And anyone who's reading this, click on Christin Lore Weber: great new finds in her blog and those on her sidebar.
ReplyDeleteI understand... for some different personal reasons, I understand.
ReplyDelete