As Jody says in the last set of comments, some moments jump out at us as examples of "the wisdom of silence and the comfort of just being there."
Oh, I hope I remember that.
When someone whom I know to be a person of faith (any faith) is in turmoil, I try to ask, "Does your faith help you?" Or, "What has been your experience of God in this?" Sometimes people are surprised ~ they expect me, the pastor, to TELL them how their faith helps them, or how they should be experiencing God. And then, sometimes, they venture a quiet response along the lines of "Not always," or "Not so much." And then they look even more surprised: Is it ok to acknowledge that? Is lightning about to strike?
Of course, sometimes the opposite happens. Sometimes a person preaches an entire sermon in response to one of those questions. And that's ok, too. It might not be my sermon, but it's that person's moment, not mine.
If I know, or guess, the person to be someone for whom what I would describe as religion is meaningless, I try to ask, "What helps you deal with this?" or "How are you approaching this in your mind or heart or spirit?"
People have such powerful stories to tell!
But I guess you have to want to hear theirs more than you want to impose yours.
I can't say that I get an A+ in this endeavor. Some days, I suppose, a D-.
But you really do have to know that sharing yours is a meaningless gesture, and sometimes one that inflicts damage, until you've heard theirs.
A couple of weeks ago I heard an especially pastoral professor say, "It really doesn't help people to take their stories away from them. They'll let you know when they're ready for a new one, but in the meantime, they need the one they have."
ReplyDeleteGreat way of putting it.
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