And then I had to make two long drives, so I listened to my CDs. Including twice to the music, and twice to the sermon. (And yes, EVD, if you're reading this: that was one magnificent sermon, which spoke directly to everything my life has been about since 9/2/08.)
It was a really, really, REALLY exciting day. It was also, for me, permeated with the loss of Josh, whom I needed to be there. And it was smack in the middle of Breast Cancer, Part I, so after I finally got up and took a long walk the next day, it was right back to doctors and tests and surgery.
In other words, it would be my guess that a lot of people get to focus on such a service with a singular intensity that eluded me.
But as I listened to the CDs, I remembered that it was beautiful, and moving, and did almost accomplish one of the tasks I had articulated to my own pastor: to redeem that sanctuary from the also very beautiful but almost intolerably sad funeral service that had taken place there three years previous.
And there was this incredible line in the congregation's set of responses after the ordination questions:
Do we accept Robin as a Minister of Word and Sacrament, chosen by God to guide us in the way of Jesus Christ?
Really? Isn't that rather an extraordinary affirmation?
Really? That's who I am and what I'm doing now, in my own blundering and entirely inadequate kind of way?
It sounds so different, a year later. So impossible.
I see why Cassie was glowing last night, but seriously: what kind of a person would consider herself up to such a thing?
Obviously you have to understand that it doesn't have much to do with you. But I'm feeling reluctant even to step out the front door again.